Ich Haase Sie, Meine Leibe
by deadliving
Summary: I hate you, my love. Some one is killing off the Cute, cuddly and horribly wrong characters. As usual. One problem. They aren't coming back. Why? RE-edited. now rated T again.
1. Pedophile fatale

**Author's note:**

**This is a story to any person that has ever been dumped because of some superficial reason.**

**The killer will not be revealed till the ending.**

**I will be refering to other stories if the people don't mind**

**I do not own HTF. Those awesome dudes at Mondo Media do**

**I might change it to mature for a few reasons, but for now, it will be rated T for language, Suggestive stuff, and violence.**

Nutty was strolling down the street, lollipop in hand dancing happily. That night with Petunia was almost like the night he lost his virginity. What a night... Anyway, He had no idea of what was to be next in his pathetic life span. He was to happy to believe his life would his life could be shortened. Anyways Nutty had just locked the door to his house. He surveyed the windows, looking for spooky shadows. Pleased with his scant observations of 'Spookyness', he sticks a candy cigar in his mouth, and settles down for a game of tetris. Though his fingers dash over the keys at olympic speeds,  
the screen clearly reads;

YOU FAIL

PHUCKING EXCEPT THAT FACT

DOUCHEBAG

"Yeah I won!" he yells jumping up and down. The phone rings, startling our candy obsessed friend.

"Hey Nutty, It's Russell, you want to come with me and Sniffles to the peir to watch the sunset tommorrow?"

"Well, no, I'm still sort of shocked from the theater incident. Either way, Petunia said you were going out with Giggles!"

"Well, for one, Sniffles was the one that, leaked his, umm...stuff on the ground, and no, I'm not dating Giggles. I did not do anything naughty with her on the boating trip!"

"Oh... so your dating some one else? who?"

"Um, some one with antlers..."

"Mime has a sister!? Cool, are there anymore sisters I should know about?!"

"I didn't say sister, I meant..."

A deep sinister voice echoed through the phone. Nutty turned around, but no one was there. It was in Russell's house.

" Yar! Who are you!"

"Rape is a deadly sin"

"I might be an atheistic pirate, but I thought rape was only a cultural taboo! Not a deadly sin. And either way you scurvey dog! when did I rape any body!?"

"Silence! When that boat was rockin' I came knocking! Giggles is fuming, I'm just here to avenge lost virginity.

Nutty sat quietly, listening to the conversation.

"Yar don't need to go this far laddy! I didn't get kinky with Giggles!"  
A scream, swish, and a thud, left a deathly silence in it's wake.  
"Russell, hello...? OH DAMNIT!"

_________________________________________seconds later_______________________________________________________________

Lumpy was waxing his police car. "Do you like the shiny shiny Mister cabbage!?" he said holding up a head of Cabbage.  
Nutty crashes into the two. "They have Russell!"  
"Doy Aretard! He'll come back."  
"Could you check the crime scene anyway. You are supposed to be some form of authority!"  
"Ok."  
When they got to the house, bleach and blood hung in the air."  
The scene was so clean. no trace of any struggle was seen. His parrot was headless, perched on his clock. no sign of blood either. The most shocking thing about this wasn't the scene. It was the weapon;  
Disco Bear with Flippy's knife imbedded in his back.

**R&R **

**don't flame **

**It has very little plot so far, but It will in the next chapters**

**OK? ok!**

**:^)**


	2. Habeus Corpus

**Author's note:**

**This is a story to any person that has ever been dumped because of some superficial reason.**

**The killer will not be revealed till the ending.**

**I will be refering to other stories if the people don't mind**

**Skippy, my OC, will be featured largely in the rest of this story**

**Enjoy chapter Two; Habeus Corpus**

Sniffles and The Mole had began to clean up the body by the time the neighbors took notice. Cuddles, Shifty, and Lifty were the first to see. The scene was quiet. Lifty spoke first.

"What was the weapon?" he asked quietly.

"Disco Bear." Sniffles croaked as he lifted the two bodies into the van.

"No, I didn't ask who was the victim. I asked about the weapon." He replied stubbornly.

The Mole begins to speak."No, The knife was used post-mortum. Disco bear _was_ the weapon. Reminds me of the mission in Reno. One million dollars, a rabid chipmunk, and scandly clad foxes..."

The bystanders began to wander off. Cuddles went back to eat dinner with Giggles, Shifty went back to his gambling ring, Lifty went to count money, and Nutty had already caught sight of Cro-Marmot's ice cream truck.

After a while Nutty, after buying Cro's _entire_ stock of ice cream, He remembers Russell's death. "I'll buy him and ice cream for later!" He took out an ice cream from his chest. Dancing gleefully, he hastily made his way to the police station. When he got there, he could hear music playing. When he walks in, Toothy and Lumpy are clapping to the beat of an odd song. Skippy was twirling in circles on his arm, singing;

''...Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about,

so put your hands down my pants, and I bet you'll feel nuts!

Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert, and your getting two thumbs up..."

Skippy stares at Nutty, and stops spinning. Lumpy and Toothy frown a bit.

Toothy speaks up, "Hehe?! Are you here for Russell? Take a left, then down a flight of steps. When you smell animal shit, you've gone far enough." Nutty follows his directions and ends up in a room with many small cabinets and lockers. Sniffles was dissecting Russell's corpse.

"So what does killing them farther do to help them come back to life?" Nutty asks quizzically.

"Nutty, this is post mortum. We can't cause anymore harm to them. Besides, it helps trace who killed them, and how they died." Sniffles responds.

"What about Necrophiliacs and Grave robbers?! What happens to the body then." Nutty ponders.

"They'll only cause as much damage as I have."

"Will anybody be able to steal a body from the hospital or mortuary, and what happens to the body if it is stolen?"

"Nutty, you know what? They just cancelled 'Rewilding America; The Wilderness Ahead' and I'm on my last nerve. So go home and FUCK YOURSELF" He spats. "And why did you ask that question?!" Nutty points to the bare bloodsoaked autopsy table.

**Ido not own the lyrics or melody to 'The Bad Touch'- it is owned by the Bloodhound gang, and Universal Music Group. or HTF which is owned by Mondo Media**

**I picture the Mole as a bumbling, blind, but lovable and wise secret agent, just incase you didn't realize that already.**

**Thats how I think of him. you can't blame me for a veiw.**

**Ok so...**

**R&R **

**don't flame **

**It has very little plot so far, but It will in the next chapters**

**OK? ok!**

**:^)**


	3. Reggae Mortis

**Author's note:**

**This is a story to any person that has ever been dumped because of some superficial reason.**

**The killer will not be revealed till the ending.**

**I will be refering to other stories if the people don't mind**

**Skippy, my OC, will be featured largely in the rest of this story**

**Enjoy chapter Three; Reggae Mortis**

The Body wasn't even seen dragged through the police station. Sniffles just plainly ignored that fact, along with the rest of the police force besides Skippy. Nutty was left alone at the police station. Skippy bounds up to Nutty, "So my spastic friend, why are you so..., um sad, depressed, glum, despondent, in a state of emotional decay? Decay is a funny word. Erection, balls, dikdik, cockfighting, hilf mir, benzin, genocide and antidisestablishmentarianism are really really funny words. Antidisestablishmentarianism is actually an idea against the scottish protestant Christian's right of land which the English Catholics thought belonged to them in the 1800's. In the 1800's this dude named 'Elephant man had a hand on his booby, I can't believe men are able to have boobies. Man boobies maybe caused by pesticides that make men produce female organs, if you know what I mean. In fact if a man could in theory develop female parts, He might be able to fu..."

Nutty, even as a hyperactive, relatively tolerant, squirrel, dropicked him. "Fucking leave me alone! I'm goin' to see where Russell's carcass is!"

_______________________________________________-Meanwhile-__________________________________________________________

Flippy and Flaky are just leaving the resturant. "Thank you for the dinner, Flippy."

"Well, Its ok. Either way, I put it on DB's account So um, would you like it for me to drop you off at your house or..." A fluffy li'l shit hits him on the head. "Ouch! what was Tha...Skippy! What the hell are you doing!?"

"Um well, you killed Disco Bear and used him to beat Russell to death, and Nutty said you stole Russell's body to raped it in your sleep, and I broke dance infront of a bunch of gay forest animals, but then I needed to pee, pee is actually mostly water and..."

Flaky looked at him quizzically, "What did you say? Slow it down and don't foam from your mouth."

Skippy's pupils dialated, and he points to Flippy and stares. "You killed Disco Bear and Russell, then stole and raped their bodies, you perverted necrophiliac." Flippy just stood, pondering what Skippy had just said.

"I have an alibi. So that isn't true. And either way, why would even My other side commit such atrocities?!''

"...Do you think Gene Siskel is in hell?"

"That Decides it, Flaky, tommorow we get Toothy to neuter him." Skippy covers his torso with his tail. When They reach Flippy's house, Nutty was flailing his arms around, screaming, 'Curse of Reggae Mortis is a reality!'

"Nutty! What is wrong!?" Flippy asks.

"Look in your house!" Nutty yells

There, strung from a ceiling lamp, Handy, with Russell's disembodied arms attached at the nub, wriggling and twitching, with Flippy's knife jammed into his stomach.

** Skippy is the most annoying little vermin you'll ever see, if you hadn't figured it out already.**

**and he is also very smart.**

**Ok so...**

**R&R **

**don't flame **

**onto the next chapter; Alibi termination**

**OK? ok!**

**:^)**


	4. Alibi Termination

**Author's note:**

**This is a story to any person that has ever been dumped because of some superficial reason.**

**The killer will not be revealed till the ending.**

**I will be refering to other stories if the people don't mind**

**Skippy, my OC, will be featured largely in the rest of this story**

**Enjoy chapter Four; Alibi Termination **

There, strung from a ceiling lamp, Handy, with Russell's disembodied arms attached at the nub, wriggling and twitching, with Flippy's knife jammed into his stomach.

Lumpy pulled up in his car. He connected 2 and 2. He got 7. But, no matter how stupid he was, he could figure Flippy = Dead Bodies. "Flippy you is under arrest!" Flaky gasped, Skippy bounced on the ground as Flippy dropped him.

"What! Why!"

"For assumed Necrophilia and Double Homocide!" Lumpy handcuffed Flippy and pushed him into the back of the car.

"But Flippy's cured! You said so yourself!" Flaky screamed.

"I'm a therapist. Therapists lie!"

______________________________________________-Later-______________________________________________________________

Flippy was sitting in a dark room. No light was shining through. Lumpy walked in and sat down. "What is your alibi!"

"I was at the resturant with Flaky! She'll testify that statement!"

"Well, she said you left in the middle of dinner, to do _something,_ and when you came back you were zipping up your pants..."

"Hey, I went to the bathroom. I now know not to eat Mime's tacos. Will you let me go now?"

"No, but there was manstuff all over Russell's Disembodied arms. We believe its yours. We just have to wait for the DNA analysis..." A yellow beaver runs in and hands Lumpy a sheet of paper. "Well, well, well, look whos going to jail."

________________________________________________-Meanwhile-__________________________________________________________

Flaky was weeping, Nutty was eyeing Flaky intently, and Skippy was watching Flippy being walked along to a cell in the station.

"So sorry to hear about Flippy, Flaky, but I need to find the Killer! Do you want to join?! Skippy is the only other person to join."

Flaky looks at Nutty, dancing happily with melted ice cream on his chest, and then to Skippy, who was dragging his butt across the ground. _I wonder why he's the only one to join,_ Flaky thought to herself. _But, If it gets Flippy's name cleared... _"Ok, I'll j-j-join," she croaked quietly.

**Flaky joins Nutty's Defective Detective group!**

**lets see what happens next...**

**Skippy is the most annoying little vermin you'll ever see, if you hadn't figured it out already.**

**and he is also very smart.**

**Ok so...**

**R&R **

**don't flame **

**onto the next chapter; Allure Mortis **

**OK? ok!**

**:^)**


	5. Allure Mortis

**Author's note:**

**I am on a comic writing spree (Which I love since I feel a bit more perkd up) and will be spending less time on Fanfiction **

**Skippy, my OC, will be featured largely in the rest of this story**

**Enjoy chapter five; Allur Mortis**

Flaky looked up at the tree house as Nutty scurries up the tree. It was burnt, smelled like blood, urine, and condoms, and was stained with blood and lighter fluid. It creaked when Nutty climbed in the window. "Come on Flaky! Ticks don't bit... wait, um, just come on!"

Flaky just took precautious steps toward the death trap."Nutty, I know dying isn't a big problem in your life, but with the necrophiliac runnig around, dying is not an option right now."

"Lighten up! Its like Voltaire says 'While you listen to my songs in German, I'm back at your place fucking your girlfriend'. While we argue, that sadist sex obbsessed murderer is killing every body. Ya get the drift?"

"Yeah, but we need to make a plan before we act." she replied stubbornly. Skippy popped out from nowhere and landed on Nutty's head.

"I've figured something out! All the victims had lost their virginity! Russell, as a pirate, you know how people say pirates are gay... with Mime... Disco Bear, because he's just an out right pervert. Handy because he had a wife before Flaky got here, although by many religions that isn't considered a sin. Thats the only thing that stumped me. Other than Petunia, whos to damn neat to even think of blood, who has Handy offended? But, thats for a later conversation. Who else do we know lost virginity?" Skippy huffed. Flaky and Skippy look over at Nutty, who then precedes to blush.

Nutty diverts immediately, " Me, Pop, Toothy, Cuddles, Petunia, Giggles, and Mime. "

"Now We must warn and protect the those people." Flaky says sheepishly.

"What people?" asks a voice from behind Flaky.

"Um, the soon to be victims of that psycho killer." Nutty responded quickly.

"Flaky, your boyfriend is amazing. He can slaughter and rape innocent perverts and Handy, without leaving his jail cell." she grins slyly.

"He didn't do that..." Flaky shouts. Nutty puts his paw over Flaky's mouth and the other on Petunia's shoulder.

"Petunia, we're here to warn you about Flippy's maniacle rage. Now stay inside, and board your windows, and..." Nutty croaked sarcasstically. Petunia was only paying attention to the unidentifiable shit residue on Nutty's hand. Her eyes widened.

"OMFG!" she shreiks as she runs away. Nutty runs his fingers through his hair, trying to look cool, turns, suavely points at Flaky and Skippy, and says

"One down, Five to Go!"

**I know you people will Flame me for talking/writing about sexuality openly. Well please dont**

**and Kosaru, I know Psycho Virginity Avenger is your kinda guy, but I would rather not here about your rant about virginity, but if you must I'm ok with it.**

**I am that kinda weirdo that is perfectly ok openly talking about sexuality in public. I'm alright if you offend that veiw.**

**I'm going through mental breakdown and I just don't want to hear that I've got issues**

**No shit**

**just please don't reveiw about th open sexuality thing**

**sorry for being a dickhead, ok?**

**Ok so...**

**R&R **

**don't flame **

**onto the next chapter; Figure Mortae**

**OK? ok!**

**:^)**


	6. Figure Mortae

**Author's note:**

**I have renamed it, because I have a comic that has the exact same premise and now the same name**

**sorry I love reading and writing comics!**

**All my fiction sometimes leaks into fanfiction**

**Skippy, my OC, will be featured largely in the rest of this story**

**Enjoy chapter six; Figure Mortae**

Mime was throwing stones across the pond when 'The Defective Detectives' came there. Skippy leapt on his back, "Stop motherfucker! Where were you on the day of TODAY!?" Mime leapt in to the air and dropped the rock on Nutty's foot. Readying to punch him across the face, Flaky grabs his arm. Nutty attempts to calm down.

"We're here to warn you of a psycho killer!"

Mime smiles and spells out with his hands, 'F-L-I-P-P-Y-?'

Skippy shakes his head. "So, are you here for Russell?"

'Y-E-S, A-L-S-O B-U-B-B-L-E-S' Mime points at bubbles rising from the lake.

"Very odd." Flaky points out.

__________________________________________________-Later-___________________________________________________________

"Giggles, Toothy, Petunia, Mime and Splendid. Cuddles is the last one. I have the strangest feeling Cuddles is gay, I respect him for it but he dates Giggles so he'd be Bisexual! Or atleast a 1-5 on the Kinsey scale, which means he's totally bisexual. Did you know 1 in 5 animals on earth are bisexual? Da Vinci was..." Nutty picks Skippy up and jam him in his pocket. Cuddles was skateboarding on the monorail line.

"Cuddles! What are you doing up there!" Flaky yells.

"Well, there's a flight of stairs near Lumpy's Traile..." Cuddles hollered down

"No I mean when the hell'd we get a monorail! Just get down before you die!" Flaky yells. Cuddles stops and as sullenly as a rebellious teenager is to his parents, gets off the monorail track.

"You aren't my mother..." Nutty picks up Cuddles and shakes him violently.

"GOD DAMNIT! DON"T FUCKING DIE ANY MORE!" Cuddles lands with a thud. Almost like a kid after seeing Ed Gein, Cuddles runs like hell back home.

" Damn your ignorant, aren't you." Skippy mumbles.

____________________________________________-Later-__________________________________________________________________

10:50 - Petunia's room

"Petunia, I think you shouldn't have the slumber party for now." Giggles croaked worriedly.

"Its just a psycho-killer, Flippy's killed us many times before!" Cuddles joked.

" You don't know how hard blood is to get out of fabrics like linen!" Petunia squealed.

"Maybe the radio will calm the mood." Cuddles turned the dial.

'What if I were to cut you up,

and mail each part to a different town. 

It would take the most brilliant private eye, 

the rest of his life just to put you together,

Moscow to Tokyo,

Why all the horror!'

_*BUZZ!*_

'As this discussion on sadomasichism closes,

We give you the simplified version;

You beat me ,

I BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU TO GET HORNY'

_*BUZZ*_

'Hilf Mir!

das Feure leibt meich 

Hilf Mir!

das Feure leibt meich nicht!'

Cuddles looks around the room at Petunia, who is sweating nervously, and Giggles was on the verge of sobbing. Cuddles went up and hugged Giggles and calmly patted her on the back, " Those songs mean absolutely nothing."

10:56

Petunia's kitchen stove ignited a 2-block explosion

**Ok so...**

**R&R **

**don't flame **

**I don't own the lyrics the songs 'Ex Lover's Lover' by Voltaire or 'Hilf Mir' by Rammstein**

**(It says 'Help Me, The fire loves me, Help me, the fire loves me not') **

**and the Sadomasichist conversation was a joke I made up. Sorry to any real sadomasichists that find this offensive**

**onto the next chapter; Post Ignition **

**OK? ok!**

**:^)**


	7. Post Ignition

**Author's note:**

**All my fiction sometimes leaks into fanfiction**

**DONT EAT MY SOFT POISON LADEN FLESH!**

**(Well, what do you expect? I live, like, 5 feet away from a landfill!)**

**Enjoy chapter 7; Post Ignition**

_No one notices the explosion. Terrorists, suicides, and Pop making popcorn. Explosions were the unfortunate norm. Then, the dubris came down._

Lumpy was parked outside the donut shop. Criminals didn't dare think of mess with his authority. Or his shotgun.

Toothy walked over holding a box of donuts, "You want some, the waitress gave them to me for free!"

"No no, my bucktooth friend. The work of a police officer isn't finished until every life possible is saved!" Lumpy reaches for the box seconds later.

Toothy pulls the box back in retalliation, "What the heck happened to 'a police's work is never done'!?"

"What happened to your face!"

"How the hell does my face come into this!?"

"Isn't that why your the worst man-whore ever!?" Lumpy jokes.

"Well guess what! Your not an officer. In fact you can go fuck yoursel..." Toothy was crushed by Petunia's microwave oven.

Lumpy looks at the bloodsoaked donuts as the carnage unfolds.

Flaky looks out the window, and sees random things falling from the sky. Nothing scarier than a condom fell, although considering, it was a slumber party, that was sort of scary. Skippy's box was rattling with the sounds of a mentally disturbed furball. Nutty was running around like a fool, fur singeing in the dubris field. "It burns LIKE HELLFFIREEEE! Hell fire, hellfire, the fire sears my ski..."

Skippy's box jumps around. "Say skin I will bring HELL!"

"Skippy, don't say that! Nutty's too big off a douchebag to know where hell is." Flaky jokes happily.

"Hey I know where hell is!? Northeast of Philadelphia!" Nutty croaks sarcastically.

"Why is dubris raining from the sky?" Mime runs by with Petunia's mailbox impaled through his back. Flaky's eyes widen. She races down the stairs and out the door. When she gets to the house, a smoky, charred scenery. A crowd of people was already there. Lifty backs away. "Shifty planted the bomb in the mobile meth-lab!" The Mole stumbles onto the scene. After sifting through the ashes of the house, he jumps back into the crowd and runs away. At the start of The Mole's trail of ashes, under a smoldering pile of bones, a time bomb was coming to the end of it's timer...

**Ok so...**

**a cliffhanger!**

**no I dont mean Meathereaper Lab. _I mean Methamphedamine_ kind of meth.**

**It didn't really have any plot**

**R&R **

**don't flame **

**onto the next chapter; Speil mit Mir**

**OK? ok!**

**:^)**


	8. Spiel mit Mir

**Author's note:**

**I honestly have nothing to say at this point.  
Except that this chapter has now been edited to Be aceptable in modern society!**

**Enjoy the chapter and guess who did it.**

**Enjoy chapter 8: Speil mit Mir**

At the start of The Mole's trail of ashes, under a smoldering pile of bones, a time bomb was coming to the end of it's timer...

Flaky ran away screaming, along with a Everyone else in the crowd. Everyone, except Nutty. Nutty stared at it as if a big black and red and blue candy cane. Flaky saw this and ran back about four feet, Then wagered his life over hers. In a fit of insanity, she inched closer and closer, thinking of how much she wanted to let Nutty die and her life to be spared. Nutty held the bomb up to the sunlight, giggling insanely at his prize. Skippy started screaming from the inside of his box, "Run you dumbass, it's a BOMB!"

Nutty closed his eyes and reopened them, to see what he was holding.

4,3,2,1...BLLLRT!

Flaky looks up. Nothing happened. Except Nutty's arms torn off and his face severely burned. It was only a firecracker. Unfortunately for both Pop and Mime, the firecracker came down upon their houses, lighting the houses ablaze.

Pop, carrying his wallet out, sets it on the ground infront of his house. Mime looks at Pop and then at his wallet. Then he mimes towards the house jumping around frantically. Pop just stares at him. Mime, out of frustration, finally points to the wallet and mimes cradling a baby. Pop's eyes widen. He forgot Cub! Running back into the house, Pop braces himself for the hell awaiting, Mime waits to see how this turns out.

Only minutes later, after the firetruck came, Pop waddles out of the house, carrying something sheathed in a plastic bag. He falls to his knees and pulls an unscathed Cub from the bag. While Cub was miraculously unharmed, Pop had 3rd degree burns along his face and arms, with patches of burning hair and black-grey tissue. Cub turns to hug his father, when Pop collapses dead from his injuries.

Later, as Pop is being transported to the 'hospital', Toothy calls the phone operator, "I don't care who you get, just get a babysitter for me, the kid's father is dead and we can't house him at the hospital. Just call someone you know that's good with kids!"

Meanwhile, at Flippy's house... the phone rings. It then goes straight to a message. "Her, hello this is Lumpy, um... Flippy! That's your name, right? But, um theres a kid at the hospital, and his father is dead...and if Flaky is there, could you watch him? OK! Good bye!" Lumpy leans back in his seat, then dials a number. "Yes, could you watch this li'l boy who's father is in..."

The babysitter walks into the hospital doors, dripping wet with rainwater, walks to the information desk. "I'm here for the kid who's father died." Toothy was holdinga sleeping Cub in his arms and looked at the person. Their face was caked in make-up, but there was still something familliar about it. He might as well give Cub to a babysitter that the experienced phone operator suggested. He outstretched his hands and let Cub lean into the babysitter's arms.

"Thank you for taking him off our hands." Toothy thanks.

The babysitter smiles and says, "Your welcome." Then The Babysitter turns and exits.

**this chapter is the begining of the climax of the stories**

**It's not much of a secret that the Babysitter and the Psycho-killer are the same people.**

**just try to guess the babysitter/psycho killer**

**oh yeah, 'Speil mit mir' means 'Play with me' in German**

**R&R**

**don't flame**

**onto the next chapter; Bestrafer Nex**

**OK? ok!**

**:^)**


	9. Bestrafer Nex

**Finally, I'm updating!**

**Sorry for the wait.**

**I have edited the other chapter to fit the T standard.**

**Pop and Nutty are dead, Mime is homeless, Flaky and Skippy are still clueless, and the psycho has Cub!**

**:O**

Nutty wakes up on a hospital bed, surrounded by the people he cares about. Flaky, and Cro-Marmot stood at the bedside, with a basket of candy. "So, did you miss me?" he said smiling at Flaky.

"Not really..."

"I meant the candy!" He says, greedily shoving the candy in his rolls her eyes in greif. "Anything on the case?" he says, with a mouthful of candy.

Flaky steps forward, and clears her throat. "Well, Cro-Marmot says he found Cub's body in the lake and he knows who did it." Nutty sits up in bed. He was thinking more about candy than what he was just told, but he puts 2 and 2 together.

"If history proves anything, murderers that can't kill their immediate target, often target family instead!" he quotes intelligently.

"So our killer might have purpetrated this." She says triumphantly. She turns to Cro-Marmot, and jumps. "You're right!" and She drags Nutty to her car.

_______________________________________________________Later__________________________________________________________

Nutty, Flaky, Cro, Skippy, and the police are out on the water. Flaky fishes Cub's bloated body from the water. "It's sad to see such a young person die." Flaky sighs sullenly. Nutty puts his hand on her back.

"Atleast he's coming back." Nutty says smiling. Skippy leans over the side of the boat, and a gas bubble erupts in his face. He coughs and gags. "Ewww! Hydrogen Sulfate! Or is it Sulfide? Or CYANIDE!?" he screams. Nutty takes a whiff of the air near Skippy. Although most people in this town came back to life before rotting, he could tell something on the lake floor was rotting.

"Toothy, we need divers, and we need you to drain the lake." Nutty hollers. Toothy nods and heads back to shore. Nutty turns to Cro-Marmot. "So who's the killer?"

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Cro's Ice Cream truck pulls up to a dark, smoky club. They jump out the door, and look around. Crates are stacked up around the green door, the wet asphalt glows blue, and jail-type bars sheild every window. Flaky gags when she sees Nutty boldly go ahead. "Nutty, this place doesn't look very safe, sanitary, or safe." Flaky squeaks, shivering in place. Cro-Marmot slides past her, and knocks into the door. Nutty looks at her and smiles. "Yes we have to go in there." He says with a grin. She stays in her spot and watches Nutty and Cro-Marmot enter the club.

In the club, Nutty looks around. Big masculine figures hide in the shadow, and the mean and woman he could see, were dressed in ragged clothing, stainted with blood and ashes. The remaining people were naked or scandally clad. In the center, sat Shifty. He seemed to stare at him in an enraged stupor. He was dressed in a white zoot-suit, with a blue undershirt. Concealed on his belt, was a machine gun. Nutty began to walk closer, when Flaky grabs his tail. "Nutty, DNA from Cub's body says it's not Shifty or Lifty." Nutty keeps his direction and stops right infront of Shifty. Shifty smiles at Nutty, and pulls out the gun. "So, spaz, Your'e here about my lil' date with Your precious Cub?" He smirks.

"We know that you aren't the killer. So can you tell us who set you up to this." Nutty says, with hands above his head. Foam drips from the side of Shifty's mouth. "Now, I can see you have rabies. Now if you tell us who gave it to you, we can help." Shifty's eyes turn red and yellow fluids drop to the ground. He seems almost to be in a world of his own, Until he speaks up.

" Sex keeps me silenced. I'll talk in Hell!" He spins the gun in his hands and takes shots at anything that moved. He then shoves the barrel in his mouth, and pulls the trigger. Blood and grey matter rain down on Nutty and the rest of the surviving bystanders.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lumpy and Skippy wade through the lake, feeling through the wet sand with their feet. Skippy stubs his toe on something. "What the..." He bends down and feels metal, he bends down farther. He is quickly sucked into the machine, ground up, and spit out the other side. Lumpy walks over to where Skippy was standing, and looks around. "Where are you, kid?" His foot gets caught in the machine and his lower body is sucked in. "Toothy! Help meh!" He yells. Toothy walks over to the vacuum.

"Turn your head around. That is if you have the mental capaci..." Toothy looks down, and sees Russell's swollen carcass floating gently on the murky water. Glassy eyes stare at Toothy endlessly.

**Well, It's finally over (the chapter not the story)**

**I have stored numerous 'easter eggs' in my stories, so any one who has seen any of them might have a clue.**

**But anyways.**

**I must sleep.**

**Ich will ein Phantasie**

**Goodnight to all.**

**Lets just hope I don't do anything stupid with my stories.**


	10. Finsternis

**This is the 2nd to last chapter.**

**Shifty, Pop, Cuddles, Russell, Handy, Disco Bear, Lumpy, and Skippy are dead or still incapacitated. The killer's dumping site has been found. And Cro-Marmot is in hot water.**

**Pheonix Reece, I'm just keeping it secret. Like Roswell, the Loch ness, or East Dakota.**

**Enjoy with caution my loyal audience.**

Cro-Marmot sits in a steamy dark room, with only his reflection to accompany him. Water runs down the side, from the heat, but on the inside, if he could, he be sweating himself. Nutty bursts in, a candy cane hanging off his lip. He smirks and circles around the block of ice and flesh. "Aint crackin' are you? Well, we got ways of getting information out of you!" he taps gently on the ice with his finger. "Can you hear me? Your screwed. If we have to thaw you, the exposure of oxygen to your fur and skin might just be your undoing. Now if you tell us why you lied to us, we will let you free." Cro-Marmot stays resilient, of course, and Nutty slams the table with his fists. "You're a god damn smart bastard aren't you!" Nutty screams.

Flaky and Toothy watch Nutty flip out, and discuss what to do. "Nutty seems angry." Flaky squeaks from her chair.

"He's a candy seeking machine with clock batteries fueling him. Nutty's strung up and one cut will send him falling." Toothy coos quietly, sipping his coffee. "Cro's bound to be the one to send him down." Flaky stares at Toothy, demanding a better response. "He'll be fine. It's harmless stress."

Both turn and see Nutty attempting to beat Cro-Marmot in his ice prison with a chair. He was screaming "TALK TALK TALK! GOD DAMNIT! TALK TALK TALK!!!" Flaky turns back to Toothy. He sighs, and directs her outside. He goes up to the one-way mirror, and speaks into a microphone.

"Nutty, go blow off some steam, Flaky's taking over." Nutty glares daggers at the glass, kicks Cro, and hobbles off. Nutty enters and indignant as ever, he falls back into his seat.

"Stupid girls and their..." Nutty mumbles. Toothy slaps his and shoves an all-day sucker in Nutty's mouth. Toothy stares at him, and strikes up conversation.

"Have you ever jacked off in here?" Toothy ask. Nutty stares at him.

"Do you have an STD?" Nutty replies trying to counter him. Toothy furrows his brow, defeated.

"Touch'e." Toothy says stumped. Flaky walks in, a smile across her face.

"Well, Giggles convinced him to give us a red herring. She also convinced Shifty to kill himself, and killed Lifty. We also have proof Giggles gave him rabies." Flaky tweets happily. Nutty and Toothy glance at her then at each other.

"How did you do that?" asked Toothy.

"He just likes me!" Flaky said happily.

"That means Giggles is atleast a co-conspirator." Toothy points out. Nutty shakes his head in disagreement.

"If Cuddles became an arsonist, would you take the heat atleast once?" Nutty asks. Both nod.

"She could've been covering for You, Toothy, or Cuddles." He points out.

"What about Petunia?" Flaky asks timidly.

"If the bed is any place to make a determination of character, than Petunia's a pussy." Nutty says.

"She always needs saving, by her girlfriend, Giggles." Toothy says rolling his eyes. Nutty's ears stand at attention. He had a plan.

**dum dada dum!**

**nextchapter, the psycho will be revealed.**

**review!**


	11. the Termination

**Another Chapter of Ich hasse sie, mein liebe.**

**Nutty solves the case, uncovering the most disturbing secret of the story.**

**The last chapter.**

**I'm sad to make this, but everything must end.**

**Enjoy the last chapter;**

Nutty puts on his tuxedo. He doesn't wear anything this formal, the reason being his food often ended up on his face or chest, but his best friend's funeral was important. He didn't know the exact reason, but Tree friends had to be buried if dead for more than a day. Thereafter, they had to be kept there for more than a day. It was stupid, but it was Happy Tree Town. Death is to busy fucking around with the rest of the world to care about Happy Tree Town.

The police department was coming, along with the victim's loved ones. So was the killer. He knew, whether he/she was a loved one or just seeing his/her handy work, they'd come to the funeral. Although when Sniffles and The Mole were done with the autopsy, the killer wouldn't recognize their face. They were on the verge of the answer, although Nutty had known for at least a day.

The car ride to the graveyard was silent. Nutty had carpooled with Flaky and Mime. Mime sat in the back next to him. But he didn't seem as 'clowny' as usual. If anything, he seemed dying to join Russell in the hole. Flaky wasn't the nervous driver as usual. If you weren't fast enough, she sped past you. The stark silence had began droning on in his head, steadily frowing louder and louder. Finally, after the sound had become defeaning, the car pulled up to the rusted old gates.

The atmosphere at the funeral was no better. Tears soaked the ground they walked on. The mutilated bodies were on display, displaying the killer's horrid tactics. Most were bloated, tounges bulging from their mouths, eyes disorbited, stomachs distended, with massive wounds. Out of the mourning, Giggles seemed the least depressed. Nutty leaned towards Toothy. "Arrest Giggles. Now."

Toothy turned to face Nutty. "But Giggles is innocent until proven guilty! Besides, when has she ever killed someone!?" he whispers.

"When has Good Flippy killed anyone?" Nutty responds. Toothy nods. Indignant, he stamps his foot into the soft soil, and storms over to Giggles. Toothy cuffs her, and Nutty gives the usual. "Giggles you are under arrest for suspicion of homoicide and Child molestation. You have a right to an eterny..." Giggles struggles against her chains, shaking her arms, hoping the cuffs will slide off.

"You can't do this to me! I'm innocent!" she stammers. The mourners turn briefly to get a glimpse of the struggle. Then the quickly return to staring at the deceased. Toothy escorts Giggles to the car. Nutty smiles arrogantly, walking off to the car.

At the police station, Giggles raps her fingers against the desk, glancing around anxiously. "You three can't spell 'justice' let alone bring it! I'm innocent!" Toothy and Flaky stare at the door to interrogation with anticipation, from the other side of the two-wayed mirror. Nutty walks in, and clear as day says;

"You're free to go. Sorry for any inconvenience."

Giggles stands up and exits. Toothy and Flaky stare at Nutty in shock. In the hallway, they begin to pester Nutty, questioning him. "You let our 1# suspect get up and walk out the front door!" Toothy hollers in his face.

"How can you do that!" Flaky vexes. Nutty just stands there, smiling like the idiot people thought him to be. He turns, ignoring the two, and follows Giggles. Flaky ask quizzically, "Should we follow?" Toothy doesn't answer, he just follows Nutty out, with Flaky trailing behind.

Toothy and Nutty sit on an oak tree branch infront of the First National Bank of Happy Tree Town, Flaky standing 3 stories below. "What do I do again!?" she calls to the duo. Nutty sighs, slapping his face.

"You stop Giggles and the Killer at all costs! God!" he mutters. Toothy shushes them both. From out of the bank, Giggles appears. Hiding behind a pillar, she glances around, and dashes out into the parking lot. She climbs into a red sports vehicle. Flaky hollers up to the branches.

"I lost visual!" she hollers. Toothy chants excitedly.

"The killer is Petunia! Petunia and Giggles are kissing! Tonguing and everything!" Toothy yells excitedly. He leaps from the branches, landing next to Flaky. He falls on his back, from the force of falling.

"What else!?" she demands. Toothy put up a finger. A lung, a heart, and his digestive tract slowly crawled from his mouth, falling to Flaky's feet. Nutty yells at her.

"They're getting away!" Not thinking, Flaky runs into the street. Instead of heroically stopping the car, like she'd thought during her sprint, she was killed on impact, sending her body into the telephone pole. The car swerves, crashing into said telephone pole. Nutty, being a squirrel, scuttles down the tree, running to the car. In the driver's seat, Giggles' face was planted in the steering wheel, and Petunia was crying in the seat next to her. He almost thought she had gained weight since the last time he saw her. He pulled her from the wreckage, and quickly put her in cuffs. "Petunia, you are under arrest for Homoicide, Child molestation, and evading the Police. You're entitled to an eterny-"

Petunia choked out, almost screaming at him, "Nutty! Don't you know it, yet! I'm pregnant with your child, you can't arrest me!" Nutty's eyes open wide. On the night of Russell's murder, he remembers what he did before that. Before Nutty could respond, The Mole and Lumpy escort Petunia into a cop car. "You're in for atleast 30 years!" The Mole says. Petunia stares at Nutty from the other side of the glass, and smacks her face against it. He knew she just wanted to start a family. Embarassed to admit she was pregnant, she killed anyone who would have known about the child. Killing people was her extreme way of keeping a person's mouth shut, or it kept their mouth shut for the time it took to tell the dad, and escape the city. The cop car drove away, leaving guilt behind.

Nutty collapses on the ground, the guilt pulling him apart from the inside out.

**Long, ranty, boring, and stupid. I'm just all to eager to finish and move on.**

**The epilogue will be better.**

**Enjoy FF**


	12. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Nutty gentley rocks on his hammock, overlooking the pieceful valley. Petunia was in jail, everybody was alive, for the meanwhile, and His child was a month away from birth. But his guilt was a savage beast, with no mercy. It tore loose whenever he experienced anything happy. He had even began to lose interest in candy. But not even guilt can do that.

He thought about his new child. Instead of a hospital, he or she'd be birthed in either a prison cell, or a clinic within the jail. The child would be under his custody, until Petunia was free, therefore not knowing his mother for the longest time. His child would be like an alien. There, but not really belonging there. And the guilt that the thought caused was intolerable.

He felt like an alien himself. When Russell or Disco Bear invited him to a sports game, he'd refuse it. When The Mole gave out free chocolates, Nutty didn't try to steal it. He spent his days cooped up in his house, sapping what energy he had cleaning for his child, or sulking about the whole ordeal.

He began to sing to himself, "_Punish me, Punish me, bad ones must be hurt. Punish me, Punish me, leave me in the dirt."_

Tears fell from his eyes, as much as he resisted, because he knew that his behavior was the start of the problem.

_"Punish me, punish me, kick me in the sides. Punish me, punish me, drown me in the tide."_

He took in a whiff of the crisp mountain air, and sighed. Petunia was such a sweet person. Nothing in his mind could have asociated her with homoicide or molestation. She'd probably have been a bi hooker before killing from shame. Which she was.

_"Punish me, punish me, slap me in the face. Punish me, punish me-"_

A soft, high voice interrupts picking up where he left off. _"...string me up with lace."_

Nutty turns and sees Flaky standing at the very top of the hill. She was smiling, completely opposite Nutty's mood.

"Are you ok? You weren't in town today." She said with a smile. Nutty pouted, and rolled over, ignoring her. She glanced around. "I brought you some cake from Mime's party!" She holds out a tray with a slice of cake on it.

Nutty responds with a great old 'Humph!'

She frowns. "Well, Petunia's got bail, but she still has to be in jail for another year. " Nutty turns,his gaze matching hers. " And she wants me to give you this." she leans down and kisses him gentley on the forehead. "Bye, Nutty."

Nutty sits up in the hammock, watching her descend down the hill. As much as he'd hate to admit it, both Flaky and Petunia would be his girlfriend. But life is what it is and we know not why.

**Short.**

**Slight NuttyxFlaky**

**Sequel is out now.**


End file.
